Sometimes We Walk Through Grief.

Sometimes we walk through grief. In the last six months I have buried family members, colleagues, friends, ministry partners, coaches, and more. Grief upon grief upon grief. At the same time, I have also shared the grief experienced by others. Coaching friends, sports ministry colleagues, and others have suffered loss and I feel their loss in a second-hand manner. It still hurts. It’s still heavy. It’s still painful.

Isaiah 53 refers to the Messiah as, “a man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.” In some ways, we share the ministry of the Christ when we walk into the grief of loss, when we share the mourning of our friends, when we follow Jesus’ way of weeping at Lazarus’ grave.

Author George Bernard Shaw is quoted as saying, “Death is the ultimate statistic, one out of one dies.” The only way to avoid walking through grief is to become a hermit, to cut off all relationships, and to care for no one. That is obviously not healthy, and is certainly not the Lord’s will. It is an unavoidable condition of life, thus we must learn to deal well with it.

When you step into the murky waters of grief, take the risk to feel the weight of it. Don’t try to stoically stay above it all, feel the emotions deeply. Look people in the eye and speak softly to their hearts. There are no magic words, and you cannot fix this. This is a situation through which to walk, not a problem to be solved. Let your posture, your embrace, your hand on a shoulder, your clear-eyed, face to face empathy speak for you. Share the burden of grief with your friends. They’re worth it.

Sometimes we walk through grief. I always feel terribly inadequate as I approach these moments. That’s really good as in this inadequacy I experience the truth of II Corinthians 12:9 - “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

Reflections from COVID-19 Season

Reflections from COVID-19 Season:

I hope these reflections are accurate, in step with the Spirit, and are valuable to your consideration of the “new normal” whatever that will be.

Mark 2:22 “No one puts new wine into old wineskins; otherwise the wine will burst the skins, and the wine is lost and the skins as well; but one puts new wine into fresh wineskins.”

1.      The scope of one’s influence is no longer bounded by geography. This has been the case for many years, but most of us are just discovering it. My friend, Woody Thorne, gave me a copy of The World is Flat many years ago and I consumed it, believed it, and acted upon it. The premise of the book is that anyone with a computer and an internet connection can communicate and do business with anyone else on the entire planet. It’s only been recently that the Church was forced to deal with this reality. This new normal will require us to ask and answer some important questions.

a.      Who and where is your intended audience?

b.      How can we best connect with them?

c.       How can we best tailor the delivery of our timeless truth to this rapidly changing group and environment?

2.      If you are not adept at the effective use of electronic communication with individuals and groups, you had better catch up, quickly! We who refuse to adapt will quickly become dinosaurs. We will either become ineffective or irrelevant, and probably already have.

3.      Reconsider intercontinental travel for the purpose of training. If we can deliver the needed training via electronic media with excellence and relational connection, we should save the thousands of dollars. Instead of squeezing ten hours of training into two or three days (like drinking from a firehose), we can spread it out to ten weeks of one hour each, allowing the trainees to process, practice, and engage each week with better understanding, wiser questions, and greater depth of learning.

a.      If the opportunity is more about relationship building than delivery of content, book the air fare and make the trip primarily relational in focus.

b.      If the opportunity is more about training in skills and knowledge, schedule a series of webinars and deliver the content. Save the money, and watch the relational development happen naturally across the series of meetings.

For example – In recent weeks I have done sports chaplaincy training: weekly with a group across the USA, Pakistan, Philippines, Trinidad, and Ukraine,  biweekly with colleagues in Illinois, Iowa, and Nebraska, occasionally with compadres in Latin America from Mexico to Argentina, weekly with comrades in Eurasia from Latvia, through Moscow, and into Central Asia, and I’m scheduled to do two ninety minute sessions with twenty-five new trainees in Chennai, India. I am doing all the training from my home office at no cost beyond my time and attention. All I need is a computer and an internet connection. Relationships have been established with each across numerous years through meetings in the USA and abroad.

4.      Reconsider these issues. All of them.

a.      How do you define success? This may have changed recently. Write it down and refer to it often.

b.      What do you measure and how do you measure it? Clarify these and systematize the measurements.

c.       What is absolutely essential to what you do? Identify these, list them, and keep the list visible.

d.      What is simply preferred? Identify these, list them, and keep them off you teammates’ essential list.

e.      What should we stop (not resume) doing? Make a list. Stick to it. Give that job to someone else or don’t do it at all.

f.        How shall we communicate in this new normal? Build a strategy. Develop the necessary skills. Acquire the tools. Don’t acquiesce to antiquated forms.

5.      What will it cost us to adapt to be transformational in the new normal? Some likely costs are listed below.

a.      Spilled wine and ruined wineskins – if we fail to adapt.

b.      Discomfort

c.       Dissatisfaction

d.      Occasional failure

e.      Inefficiency

f.        Experimentation

g.       Discarding of ineffective forms

h.      No longer the expert, I have become a novice.

6.      What could be the impact of wise and skillful adaptation to the new normal? Some possibilities are listed below.

a.      New wine in fresh wineskins – if we faithfully adapt.

b.      Excitement

c.       Joy

d.      Dynamism

e.      Discovery

f.        Empowerment

g.       Renaissance

As we approach the eleventh week of this season of our lives, some quiet reflection, a lot of reading, and two cups of good coffee had my mind ready to burst with these thoughts. I hope they are of some value to you. I greatly value our friendship, collaboration in ministry, and your calling from our Lord.

Who is the GOAT?

Who is the GOAT (Greatest Of All Time)? Who is the greatest player? Who is the greatest coach? Who is the greatest sports chaplain? I would contend these are poor questions, one and all. All such comparisons are bogus. They are especially foolish when made across eras. It’s entirely an exercise in wasted energy. Such discussions quickly become pointless arguments. They are quickly stressors of relationships with little value. They are argument fodder at their best and a foolish waste of time at their worst.

Instead of arguing about the relative value of players or coaches, I would ask you to celebrate each person for who he or she is without making comparisons with others of the same era or across the years. He or she is worthy of appreciation and making comparisons is not helpful.

Celebrate the achievements of sportspeople for what they are without comparing them with other’s achievements. The comparisons only diminish the memories of each.

The Apostle Paul warned us about the foolishness of making comparisons. "We’re not, understand, putting ourselves in a league with those who boast that they’re our superiors. We wouldn’t dare do that. But in all this comparing and grading and competing, they quite miss the point." 2 Corinthians 10:12 MSG

After His resurrection, Jesus was meeting with His team and one of His best had a question about another highly achieving teammate. "Turning his head, Peter noticed the disciple Jesus loved following right behind. When Peter noticed him, he asked Jesus, “Master, what’s going to happen to him ?” Jesus said, “If I want him to live until I come again, what’s that to you? You—follow me.” That is how the rumor got out among the brothers that this disciple wouldn’t die. But that is not what Jesus said. He simply said, “If I want him to live until I come again, what’s that to you?” John 21:20-23 MSG

Neither Jesus nor the Apostle Paul would allow their teammates to fall into the pernicious trap of comparison. They knew that such foolishness is not worthy of their callings. We would do well to similarly avoid the aimless arguments of who is the GOAT.

Coach and Sports Chaplain Zoom Call

The recording of an excellent Zoom conversation with Coach John Stiegelemeier of South Dakota State University Football and the Jackrabbits' Team Chaplain, T. J. Carlson can be accessed via the link below.

Jackrabbits Football HC and Chaplain

Sometimes We Can't Perceive Success or Failure.

Sometimes we can’t perceive success or failure. This is most days for me. Given I’m seeking fruit that remains (John 15:16), that usually demands a long-term approach to ministry. It’s normally hard to have a sense of having succeeded immediately following a chapel talk, leading a Bible study, chatting informally with a coach, or praying on the sideline during pregame with a player. It’s genuinely hard to measure.

It’s much easier if one is clear in his or her definition of success. For me, success is defined by I Corinthians 4:2 – “In this connection, moreover, it is required of stewards that they be found faithful.” Success for me is to simply be faithful to my calling. I express that calling like this, “I lead, encourage, and inspire sportspeople as they pursue the fulfillment of God's purposes for their lives.” To be faithful in this process is genuinely all I am after.

Insofar as I have done accomplished that in any given interaction, I believe I have been successful. Insofar that I come short of that aim, I know I have failed, and it grieves my soul.

I believe the reason many of us can’t perceive success or failure is we have not defined what success looks like. We wouldn’t recognize success even if we stumbled upon it. Take some time, ponder your definition of success, nail it down, paint it clearly, and embrace it. This will help your perception and clear your vision.

Sometimes we can’t perceive success or failure. Be patient. Be persistent. Occasionally success is wrapped in a failure overcoat.

Zoom call re: Serving Professional Sportspeople with Johnny Shelton

The recording of the May 11 Zoom call re: serving Professional sportspeople with Chaplain Johnny Shelton of the Baltimore Ravens is posted at the link below.

May 11 Zoom Call with Johnny Shelton.

Below are the Accountability Questions Johnny referenced on the call.

Accountability Questions

II Peter 1:10

1. Have you spent daily time in the Scriptures and in prayer?
2. Have you had any flirtations or lustful attitudes, tempting thoughts, or exposed yourself to any explicit materials which would not glorify God?
3. Have you been completely above reproach in your financial dealings?
4. Have you spent quality relationship time with family and friends?
5. Have you done your 100% best in your job, school, etc.?
6. Have you told any half truths or outright lies putting yourself in a better light to those around you?
7. Have you shared the Gospel with an unbeliever this week?
8. Have you taken care of your body through daily physical exercise and proper eating/sleeping habits?
9. Have you allowed any person or circumstance to rob you of your joy?
10. Have you lied to us on any of your answers today?

Sometimes We Fail.

Sometimes we fail. More often than I would like to recall I have failed by arriving too late, by being too early, by balking when prompted to speak, by saying something foolish, by speaking when silence would have been better, by projecting a foolish attitude, by making an inappropriate request, by making a sarcastic remark, by being critical or judgmental, or any of a thousand other ways to fail.

When you fail, and you will, own it. Take responsibility. Apologize. Confess sin. Repent. Be done with it and move on. Deal with the consequences. Persist. Rebuild broken relationships. Seek forgiveness. Let the merciful Lord restore your heart and re-engage.

Failure is not terminal. You can recover and be restored. After almost 64 years of life, 54 years as a follower of Christ Jesus, 45 years as a husband, 43 years as a father, 26 years serving in sports ministry, I have failed more than a little. In fact, I have failed so much I no longer fear it. I know I can recover. I know I generally emerge from it stronger, wiser, and better equipped to serve.

Sometimes we fail. Don’t fear it. Stride into life and service courageously.

May 4, 2020 Zoom Call featuring Lesley Clapp of Virginia Tech University

Below is a link to a recording of the excellent video conference with Lesley Clapp of FCA at Virginia Tech University.

May 4, 2020 Zoom Video Conference

Sometimes We Succeed!

Sometimes we succeed! There are days in our service of the men and women of sport when it seems like everything we touch works. Our team is playing well. Our ministry is well received. We experience great favor with most everyone. We have proper life and work balance. We sleep well, feel strong as an ox, run like a gazelle, and nothing we eat makes us fat. It’s awesome!

When those days come your way, and they will, don’t be in a hurry. Stay there. Soak up all the goodness you can. Revel in the beauty of success. It’s far too rare.

In those days, be sure to express thankfulness to everyone involved. In our service we are always invited guests. We are experiencing much of this success because we were welcomed into this community. Our Lord has granted us favor with those in authority to further His purposes in the lives of all we encounter. Let that reality keep your ego in check as you feel the luxurious emotions of success.

Sometimes we succeed. Let’s maintain humility and a thankful heart when we do. This pleases the Lord and keeps us from acting like entitled jerks.