Sunday, June 26, 2016

Small Group Dynamics - Structure

After an 11day trip to Ukraine and then a family vacation, I am back in the saddle.

Below is a simple observation I have made related to small group dynamics after 35+ years of leading them in various settings and with various sorts of people. I hope it is of value to you and to those you serve.

Small groups that have a greater depth of relationship require less structure. Groups that lack a depth of relationship require more structure.

Relationship >

<-------------------------------------------------------------->                                                                                < Structure
As relational depth grows, less and less structure is required for the group's health and productivity.
Structure includes: well defined parameters for day, time, frequency, duration, subject matter, number of times to meet together, leadership and hosting roles, etc...

Small Group Dynamics - Structure

After an 11day trip to Ukraine and then a family vacation, I am back in the saddle.

Below is a simple observation I have made related to small group dynamics after 35+ years of leading them in various settings and with various sorts of people. I hope it is of value to you and to those you serve.

Small groups that have a greater depth of relationship require less structure. Groups that lack a depth of relationship require more structure.
Relationship >
<-------------------------------------------------------------->
                                                                                             < Structure
As relational depth grows, less and less structure is required for the group's health and productivity.
Structure includes: well defined parameters for day, time, frequency, duration, subject matter, number of times to meet together, leadership and hosting roles, etc...

Friday, June 17, 2016

Questions to Ask Competitors

One of the most effective tools I regularly employ in my service of sportspeople is to simply ask questions. I ask questions to draw them into conversation, and then to probe more deeply toward their hearts. Sneaky, huh?

I tend to ask three levels of questions:
1.   Questions that solicit facts. I ask the competitor’s name, home town, position, uniform number, etc… Mostly facts. Anyone will offer these details.
2.   Questions that solicit passion. I ask about the competitor’s sporting experiences and I’m looking for their love for the sport. I am leading them to tell me stories that awaken their passion for sport, team, competition, coaches, etc…
3.   Questions that solicit their hearts. I ask about the matters at the core of who they are: values, faith, relationships, events, and other matters that shape their lives from the center.


Please consider this brief list as a place to start with those whom you serve. I hope they serve you well. 
Always ask process questions, not results questions. Fans and media only ask questions about results.


1. How is your team developing? Is the teamwork good?

2. How pleased are you with your....? (Training, practice, hitting, rehab, etc...)
3. How pleased are you with preparations for your next competition?
4. Who among your teammates is doing very well?
5. What are some challenges you have presently?
6. What sorts of situations in your sport bring out the best of your abilities?
7. How well is your team connecting with the coaching staff?
8. When your playing days are over, what do you think you will miss most about sport?
9. What are the moments in your sport that are most difficult for you?
10. Who are your most trusted teammates?
11. When and where are you most fully the person you want to be?
12. What elements of your life in sport are most pleasing to you?
13. What is there about your life in sport that will still be important to you 10 years from now?
14. When you are on the _____ (floor, field, court, track, mat, pitch, etc..), do you feel that God is near or distant? Engaged or disinterested? Pleased or disgusted? Why?

Friday, June 3, 2016

Your first 30 days serving as a Sports Chaplain or Character Coach

During the recent F.C.A. Sports Chaplain conference in Kansas City, Missouri (USA), a number of my colleagues who are rather new to their service asked a lot of questions about the process of beginning to serve. Certainly everyone’s place of service is different and the circumstances vary widely, but below is an attempt at a list of things one should do in his or her first thirty days of service. I hope it’s helpful.

In your first 30 days of serving as a sports chaplain or character coach, I recommend that you:

• Thank God daily for the opportunity and privilege you have.
• Thank the coaches and/or ministry staff that opened the door to you.
• Get an appointment with the head coach to discuss details for your service. (Preferences, timing, things to be sure to do, things to be sure to avoid...)
• Attend practices, speaking to everyone who gives you eye contact. Introduce yourself, but don't use a title to describe your role. It will get around.
• Memorize the team roster by name, uniform number, position, and home town. All are important.
• Arrange to meet personally with anyone to responds to your initial contacts to build relationships and to seek ways to serve them.
• If on a college campus, meet the NCAA compliance officer, introduce yourself, ask how he/she would like you to communicate about opportunities with and for student-athletes.  Make this person an ally, not an enemy.
• Pray for the coaches, competitors, and support staff you are serving.
• Learn to see the faces, to hear the voices, and to feel the experiences of those you serve in your devotional reading, in your moments of contemplation and prayer, and as you travel to and from sporting venues.
• Journal your interactions with those you serve from preseason through postseason. Save the journals for reading in  annual preparation prior to new seasons.
• Set your heart to serve at all times.
• Set your heart to love in all circumstances.
• Prepare to stride joyfully into the next 30 days.

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Prayer and Study Retreats

For extroverts, like me, solitude is like slow, painful torture. We know it is an important spiritual discipline, but we find it very difficult to do. For years I have endeavored to set aside one day per month for quiet, reading, contemplation, long-term planning, and envisioning ministry. I usually get it done, but it is mostly awkward. For years I have also set aside a weekend for a prayer and study retreat. I would drive a few miles out of town to a friend’s home on a lake with no distractions, no Internet access, and almost no cellular phone access. I’d take along some music, some projects on which to work, and I’d rest, think, write, and plan.

The best of these sessions were productive, but never seemed to produce the joy and fulfillment I heard expressed by my more solitude-friendly peers. I have read in John Stott’s writing, in a couple of different books, about the value of study retreats and chose to pursue them as a matter of discipline.

Most recently, I have decided to try doing these study retreats with another person or three along. This last weekend, my son and I retreated to his in-laws’ lake home in eastern Missouri for a 24 hour study retreat. Given the busy lives we both lead, we saw this as brief but important. We left his home at 4:00 pm on Saturday, drove 90 minutes up the road and had dinner together along with lots of conversation and slowing down. Once we arrived at the lake, we loaded our gear into the house, and began our first quiet period. I laid out the tasks I had to accomplish, fired up my iPod and headphones, and chose one for the starting place. After a couple of hours and knocking out three of the agenda items, it was dark and he had already started a fire in the pit down by the lake. I joined him for another 90 minutes of conversation in processing our thoughts on our respective reading, our family, our careers, and many other matters. We hadn’t had time like this, alone together, for several years. We watched the moon steadily rise above the tree line, enjoyed the stillness of the evening, the crackling fire, and the warm fellowship. At about 10:30 I went to bed and slept very well.

I was up early, but not as early as normal (rest is good), to prepare a pot of coffee and to begin my day with devotional reading and prayer. After a couple of hours of reading, prayer, and thought, we loaded up for breakfast at a local coffee shop. We had a great time of conversation and processing over breakfast, and then returned to the lake house for quiet session 2. During this session I composed a talk and a PowerPoint presentation for an upcoming event, listened to more music, and began reading one of the five new books I brought along. After a couple of hours of this work, I heard him firing up the lawn mower, and I joined him in doing some cleanup work on the beach and the dock. This allowed me to continue processing all that I had been reading and other matters I was pondering in my soul.

After the yard work was done, we decided to skip lunch and to press into quiet period 3. This session was entirely reading for me as I finished the first book and entirely read another. We processed via conversation for about thirty minutes after this session and began to load up for the trip home. We hit the road, alternately talking and enjoying each other’s silent company until we stopped for a quick dinner on the road. Upon our arrival at his home, we were greeted by his wife and two daughters. We chatted, pushed swinging granddaughters, and kissed some cheeks before I made the final 75 minute drive to my home.


Here’s the bottom line. Even if you find solitude terribly difficult, even if you need human interaction to feel normal, even if you are an off the chart extrovert, study and prayer retreats can be both effective and nurturing to your soul. I was able to accomplish far more with my son along than I could have being totally alone. Having him with me allowed me to process ideas out loud, to hear his thoughts, to experience the joy of his companionship, and the pride that comes with being the father of a godly, loving, Christian man, husband, and father. Find a person or two, or three, schedule a time and place to get away. Take some music, books, writing materials, whatever makes your soul soar, and get away. For a day, a weekend, a week, or six weeks, find a way to renew your spirit with solitude and fellowship. The Lord will surely meet you there.

Friday, May 20, 2016

Building Relationships with Support Staff

Last week we discussed the development of relationships with coaches. Today I’d like to have us think about how to develop relationships with a sporting team’s support staff. This includes a wide variety of people who support the coaches and competitors on a team.

The people I have in mind include:
·        Athletic administrators
·        Athletic trainers (physios)
·        Equipment managers
·        Operations managers
·        Office personnel
·        Team doctors

One may wonder why building relationships with these people is important. I would simply say that they are as valuable to God as is the most productive or highest profile player, the head coach, or anyone else associated with the team. In addition, building relationships with these people can make your service of the team easier, more effective, and deeper than it could ever be without their insight, expertise, and partnership.

Having a relationship of trust with the athletic trainer or physiotherapist, can be of tremendous value as he or she can inform you of injuries, upcoming surgeries, and other situations encountered by players. This information often leads to ministry opportunities for me.

Having favor with the athletic administration could be the determining factor as to a sports chaplain’s access to secure areas; practice, sidelines, locker rooms, etc.; as well as travel with a team. Without that relationship, the character coach is an easy one to drop from the passenger list.

The equipment managers of our teams have become friends, allies, and trusted sources of administration for me. I can quickly learn many details about practice schedules, travel details and more from the numerous managers around a college football practice.

To know and offer to serve the operations manager for a team is a wise and effective relationship to build. These people have to manage most of the logistics for a team’s travel and the whole process of game day. They are usually quite stressed and when we have an encouraging voice, hands ready to serve, and express thankfulness for their work, we build relationship quickly.

The head coach’s secretary, the office manager, and other personnel around the coaches’ offices are the gatekeepers to the staff’s inner sanctum. Make the office manager your friend. I was privileged to be married to one of these and her influence with four different coaching staffs and the daily lives of 100+ student-athletes each year could not be overstated.

Finally, to be familiar, even just acquainted, with the team doctors can be of tremendous value to you and to those you serve. The doctor can allow you into the personal life of injured competitors, can give you access to family and to moments of crisis for the player (surgery center, emergency room, etc.) so that you may serve most effectively.


In summary, a sports team’s support staff can be of immeasurable value to your efforts to serve the coaching staff and competitors on the team. Let’s be sure to love and serve the support staff in a similar way as to how we love and serve the competitors. Their eternal souls are of infinite worth and they are within our sphere of influence and responsibility.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Building Relationships with Coaches

As we serve the men and women, boys and girls in sport, there is a set of people with whom it is most strategic to build relationships, trust, and confidence. They are called, “coaches.” To earn the trust and respect of sports coaches is neither easy nor quick, but it is vital to serving them and all whom they coach well.

I learned early on in my service of sports teams that having the trust of the coaching staff and each coach on it, is most important. Think about it this way, if the coach trusts me, he or she will call me about an issue with a competitor. If the coach distrusts me, he or she will tell the competitors, “Stay away from that guy, you can’t trust him,” or even worse. Further, when I earn the coach’s trust, suddenly his heart is within reach, her family can be loved and served, in fact everyone in the coach’s sphere of influence is suddenly in range of our ministry.

Below is a list of very practical and proven methods for building relationships with coaches:
·        Meet them where they are – that is usually at practice and in their offices.
·        Learn the best time to speak with them, face to face. That may be prior to practice starting. It may be before or after team meetings. Experiment and learn.
·        Take an interest in their families. Ask about spouses, children, their interests away from sport, etc.…
·        Ask questions about their coaching pilgrimage, their background in the sport, and look for points of connection with other coaches in your network.
·        Ask about what gives them satisfaction, a sense of satisfaction, in their coaching.
·        Ask them how you may be of service to the coach and his or her families.
·        If the coach asks about finding a church in the community, share several good options, not just your own. Ask questions like, “For what kind of a church are you looking?”
·        Take note of everything in his or her office. Coaches usually have items displayed which reveal what they love and respect. Notice the books on the shelves, the photos on the desk or on the wall, balls, medals, rings, certificates, ribbons, etc. that speak to their accomplishments. Choose one item and ask a question about it. Stories will follow.
·        If you dare, ask this question. “Why do you coach?” Stop and listen. You may gain more insight from this question than anything else you could do.

The bottom line in all of these methods and all the relationship building is simple. For the coach to know and to trust you is the pathway to his or her heart. They are generally overwhelmed with responsibilities, they have little to no job security, they have thousands of critics, but they have almost no one who will consistently encourage, love, and support them. We get to be those trusted encouragers, if we don’t act like sports fans.


One sign that you are doing well, building relationships of trust, with coaches is if when greeting you the coach says, “Hi Coach.” For the coach to bestow the sport’s most sacred title upon you is an immediate sign that you are welcomed into their world with honor. If coaches speak of you as being, “a part of our staff,” or “an important part of the program,” you are crushing it. Please take my challenge and develop relationships with coaches as a matter of highest priority and you will find it to bear fruit that will remain.