For extroverts, like me,
solitude is like slow, painful torture. We know it is an important spiritual
discipline, but we find it very difficult to do. For years I have endeavored to
set aside one day per month for quiet, reading, contemplation, long-term
planning, and envisioning ministry. I usually get it done, but it is mostly
awkward. For years I have also set aside a weekend for a prayer and study
retreat. I would drive a few miles out of town to a friend’s home on a lake
with no distractions, no Internet access, and almost no cellular phone access.
I’d take along some music, some projects on which to work, and I’d rest, think,
write, and plan.
The best of these sessions
were productive, but never seemed to produce the joy and fulfillment I heard
expressed by my more solitude-friendly peers. I have read in John Stott’s
writing, in a couple of different books, about the value of study retreats and
chose to pursue them as a matter of discipline.
Most recently, I have decided
to try doing these study retreats with another person or three along. This last
weekend, my son and I retreated to his in-laws’ lake home in eastern Missouri
for a 24 hour study retreat. Given the busy lives we both lead, we saw this as
brief but important. We left his home at 4:00 pm on Saturday, drove 90 minutes
up the road and had dinner together along with lots of conversation and slowing
down. Once we arrived at the lake, we loaded our gear into the house, and began
our first quiet period. I laid out the tasks I had to accomplish, fired up my iPod
and headphones, and chose one for the starting place. After a couple of hours
and knocking out three of the agenda items, it was dark and he had already
started a fire in the pit down by the lake. I joined him for another 90 minutes
of conversation in processing our thoughts on our respective reading, our
family, our careers, and many other matters. We hadn’t had time like this,
alone together, for several years. We watched the moon steadily rise above the
tree line, enjoyed the stillness of the evening, the crackling fire, and the
warm fellowship. At about 10:30 I went to bed and slept very well.
I was up early, but not as
early as normal (rest is good), to prepare a pot of coffee and to begin my day
with devotional reading and prayer. After a couple of hours of reading, prayer,
and thought, we loaded up for breakfast at a local coffee shop. We had a great
time of conversation and processing over breakfast, and then returned to the
lake house for quiet session 2. During this session I composed a talk and a
PowerPoint presentation for an upcoming event, listened to more music, and
began reading one of the five new books I brought along. After a couple of
hours of this work, I heard him firing up the lawn mower, and I joined him in
doing some cleanup work on the beach and the dock. This allowed me to continue
processing all that I had been reading and other matters I was pondering in my
soul.
After the yard work was done,
we decided to skip lunch and to press into quiet period 3. This session was
entirely reading for me as I finished the first book and entirely read another.
We processed via conversation for about thirty minutes after this session and
began to load up for the trip home. We hit the road, alternately talking and
enjoying each other’s silent company until we stopped for a quick dinner on the
road. Upon our arrival at his home, we were greeted by his wife and two
daughters. We chatted, pushed swinging granddaughters, and kissed some cheeks
before I made the final 75 minute drive to my home.
Here’s the bottom line. Even
if you find solitude terribly difficult, even if you need human interaction to
feel normal, even if you are an off the chart extrovert, study and prayer
retreats can be both effective and nurturing to your soul. I was able to
accomplish far more with my son along than I could have being totally alone.
Having him with me allowed me to process ideas out loud, to hear his thoughts,
to experience the joy of his companionship, and the pride that comes with being
the father of a godly, loving, Christian man, husband, and father. Find a
person or two, or three, schedule a time and place to get away. Take some
music, books, writing materials, whatever makes your soul soar, and get away.
For a day, a weekend, a week, or six weeks, find a way to renew your spirit
with solitude and fellowship. The Lord will surely meet you there.
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