One of the ongoing,
constantly shifting, concerns of my life and ministry is managing the ratio of
time spent in solitude, in small groups, in crowds, and with family. I know
each is important and even vital to a healthy lifestyle and a vibrant ministry,
but what are the proper ratios for each aspect of life?
It would be very tidy to
assign 25% of one’s time to each area and to call it done. I cannot do that for
a number of reasons. My life is seldom that tidy, being the foremost reason. I
believe giftedness, personality type, and season of life, each being other
factors in building these ratios. Let’s think about these facets of life and
ministry individually and about how heavily each one should weigh in the
structures of your life and ministry.
Solitude – Each of us would surely say this is an
important part of our lifestyle and ministry. To have quiet, private time for
reading, contemplation, and composition of ideas is vital. But how much of your
day, week, month, and year should this occupy? For me, personally, this is most
difficult. Because of being extremely extroverted, easily distracted, and full
of energy for activity, I find solitude very difficult. My moments of solitude
most often occur while driving my car down the highway. I build one day per
month into my calendar for quiet reflection, reading, planning and such, and I
usually can make that happen. (Thank you John Stott for the recommendation.)
Once a year, I plan and execute a three to four day study retreat where I can
be 100% alone, listen to music, read, write, and plan the coming year. Some of
my friends, and my wife in particular, are perfectly happy with hours per day
of solitude and quiet. They find it fulfilling and relaxing. I about go nuts in
the first two hours! Let’s find time for solitude, whether it is 2% or 50% of
your time will likely be shaped by personality, giftedness, and calling.
Groups – I am sure we would each and all see the need
to live and serve in small groups. To interact with people in groups of 4 to 24
is both healthy and builds community in an excellent way. We can know people
deeply when we spend time with them on a regular basis, whether focused on
study, worship, service, or fellowship. The best groups combine a measure of
all four elements. This is the environment in which I best serve and grow. I
seek groups and regularly start new ones. The extroverted among us will soak up
the energy of the group and thrive in its life. The introverted among us will
likely be drained by the group, and the larger the group the more quickly their
energies will fade. If one is an introvert, finding the proper size, content,
and focus for group life would seem to be most important. They need group life
as much as the extrovert needs solitude, though not necessarily their preferred
cup of tea. Let’s find a way to build small group life into our schedules. Let’s
entrust our hearts to some trustworthy men and women who will care for us in
our best and our worst days.
Crowds – I seldom find people who are ambivalent about
crowds. Most folks either love the chaotic movement of a sea of unidentified
human beings or they are intimidated, crowded, and disturbed by the masses. For
some the crowd is something to be avoided, while others feed off the energy and
emotion felt in large groups of 200 or more people. I believe this is why most
churches in the USA have 120 or fewer people in attendance most Sundays. To
have more people than that compromises people’s ability to know everyone and
leads to feelings of being alone in a crowd of strangers. This also accounts
why some churches which break through the 250 person barrier, grow to become
megachurches with thousands in attendance weekly. These people are very
comfortable in crowds and don’t feel any compulsion to know everyone’s name. I
believe it is healthy and even wise to find some time to be in crowds. In
ministry, these crowds are like huge fishing holes. In crowds we can meet
people new to us, we may find candidates to join our groups, we may find new
friends or ministry partners, and we can simply enjoy the unique strength and
joy that is afforded those who participate in corporate worship in a huge
crowd. No matter our natural bent toward crowds, let’s find ways to participate
in them and to gather from their unique advantages.
Family – I am sure you have read about this, attended
seminars, done the workbooks, watched the videos, and suffered the pangs of
guilt offered by so many related to the life of your family. I will not add to
your load of guilt and despair. Rather, I would like to have you see family
life from a broad perspective. One’s season of life should probably be a strong
factor in how one prioritizes time and resources related to family. When I was
a young husband and father, we were rather poor and scraped together a living
with long hours of work and little recreation time. We spent a lot of time with
family because we had no choice. Later, as our careers developed and our son
got older, we prioritized time to be with him in his youth sporting activities.
It was the right time to invest those hours in practice, driving to and from
games, and playing ball at home with him. As we became empty-nesters, our use
of time shifted more toward career development and time with my wife. Now as
grandparents, we carve out time to drive the hour and a quarter each way to be
with two little girls. We make time for them, regardless of most other factors.
Over the years, the ratio of time spent with family was largely dictated by the
opportunities at hand for the best expression of love, commitment, loyalty, and
investment in those for whom we care most deeply.
Finally, please hear the
admonition of one almost sixty years old, who has made enough mistakes to have
some perspective. Please make time for solitude, your soul needs it. The Lord
may speak to you in the quiet moment, if you have one. Please seek out and form
intimate small groups, you and they need it. The Lord may speak to you through
a trusted and loving member of your group, if you are in one. Please find a way
to be in a crowd on occasion, your vision needs this. The whole world is not
just like your small group, nor like the person in your mirror, your vision can
expand and your hope can be renewed in a healthy, vibrant crowd experience.
Please make time for your family, all those around you need it. Your family is
a model for the untold number who are watching you. You have a unique
opportunity to show all those around you what a Christ-honoring family looks
like, warts and all. Love them extravagantly and the world will beat a path to
your door to learn how.
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