Across these last twenty years of ministry in
sport, I have had opportunities to serve both men and women. While there are
many similarities in my approach, there are some major distinctions as well. I have
had over twenty seasons of serving a men’s college football (American Football)
team, college and professional Baseball for several seasons, and less formal
relationships with individual male competitors. I have also served a Women’s
Basketball team for almost twenty seasons, a Women’s Volleyball team, and
individual female competitors in Swimming, Diving, and Softball. Let’s think
together about some ways of serving well across gender lines.
Set wise
parameters for your ministry across gender lines. In my
ministry with men, as I am granted access to offices, changing (locker) rooms,
and such, I feel free to go with few restrictions and no anxiety. In my
ministry with women’s teams, I am much more conscious of boundaries. When
invited into a female coach’s office to talk, I do not close the door. I don’t
walk into the locker rooms, when invited, until someone tells me everyone is
dressed. I do not give young women rides home from ministry meetings. I keep
our interactions from becoming overly familiar. As relationships build, I am
sometimes greeted with a hug, but I am sure to keep them from becoming too
intimate. I am careful about the nature of our discussions. I meet with female
coaches in public places, never at my home or my office. Setting wise parameters
can help keep the relationships on the proper plane and avoid foolish
affections.
Wisely
define relationships with those you are serving. In the
first season of serving a Women’s Basketball team, twenty years ago, I was very
confused at first. I did not know how to properly to relate to the coaches or
the players. I grew up with no sisters, my only child is my son, and I had been
married to my wife for nineteen years at that point. I knew how to flirt with
women, but was pretty sure that wasn’t the right thing to do. I had to figure
out how to relate to these people. In reading I and II Timothy I understood the
instruction he was given to treat the older women as mothers and the younger
ones as sisters. I began to see the coaching staff as sisters and the players
like daughters. I had to learn from my friends about how to relate to sisters
and daughters, but figured it out. This resulted in a great deal of freedom and
a greater sense of ease among them. Defining these relationships in this way
helped me to view them properly and to care for them appropriately. It also
enabled me to be a “surrogate father” to young women who are often competing in
sport, being primarily motivated to please their fathers.
While many in our profession will insist there is
no proper way to serve across gender lines, I have found that it is possible to
serve well, if one sets proper parameters and wisely defines relationships with
those he or she is serving. Whether serving men or women, within your gender or
with the opposite gender, let’s commit to serve selflessly and to love
extravagantly. It’s really hard to fail when those are our guiding principles.
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