Week Seven as a Widower – August 2025
At my son’s suggestion, more like prodding, I began listening to a podcast by a man whose wife had died of cancer a few years ago. There were dozens of episodes, and I began listening at episode one. I was soon fast forwarding through the introduction and repetitive segments. I found it a little psychobabblish and heavily laden with clichés. I will still listen, but with one eye on the fast forward button.Jason also suggested I attend the GriefShare Loss of Spouse group at our church. I registered and attended the first session on a Tuesday afternoon. I found the information solid, the facilitators friendly, but the process was very slow and tedious. When the session started late, we were off to a poor start. I was happy to engage in the group discussion that followed the video and a short break, but after the meeting wrapped up and I was asked if I would be joining the group for the thirteen weeks of meetings to follow, I made no commitments.
I’m not sure if it’s due to my normal arrogance, or if it’s true, but it seems I’m doing very well in the grief and mourning process. As I have contemplated this situation, I am inclined to think my decades of walking with people through their grief has prepared my heart and mind for this unique season of my life.
Just in the last fifteen years, I have been with three people as they took their last breaths. First, my mother-in-law in the hospital in the fall of 2015. Two years ago, it was my father. My mother and I stood over Dad in an assisted living center after six days of hospice care. Most recently, it was my bride of fifty years.
In addition to these, I have been in an out of intensive care units, and other hospital rooms with people in their final days or hours. I helped prepare memorial service details for many of their families after they died, speaking at several of the services.
I believe having walked through grief and mourning with so many people, across so many years, has prepared me to handle it well. I may be terribly deceived and standing on the threshold of an emotional crash, but I don’t think so. I told a friend once, I was joining Jesus as He is prophesied about in Isaiah 53, in being, “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief.”
This could be a result of my approach to problem solving in general and how I deal with serious illness and crises in particular. I began grieving on January 14, the day we received the preliminary diagnosis of cancer in the emergency room. I began to deal with the worst-case scenario first. As we received more information and a clearer indication of her disease, I began dealing with the prospect of death. Having dealt with that, knowing I could handle it, I began working toward better-case outcomes. That dogged attitude and grieving process continues to the day of this writing.
New Places, New People, New Rhythms – August 2025
I was recently able to establish something of a new rhythm to my daily life, finally. It took a while, a few adjustments, and some experimentation, but I finally landed on a suitable daily agenda. As my body and mind seem unbendingly convinced six and one half hours are enough sleep for an old man, I am up very early. I get a light breakfast, watch some morning news, compose some scriptural text messages, X and Facebook posts, and then prepare for my mile and a quarter walk up the road. It gets my motor running and allows me some time for contemplation and prayer. Watching the sun rise over the city is beautiful. I move on to other things through the morning, go to the clubhouse for lunch and return to my villa. In the early afternoon I work through five sets of forty pushups each, making a weekly total of one thousand. This has me feeling stronger again.
I am taking this transition period purposefully slowly. I want to mourn well, wisely, and healthily. I am contemplating what my next season of life may include. As of today, it’s still murky water, but I expect it to clear significantly as the fall rolls into winter. I intend to have a clear picture and a game plan in January.
Attending a new church, living in a new community, being over an hour away from sixty-nine years of relationships, is a challenge. I feel very alone in my villa, especially at night. One bright spot in this season popped up when I sent a note of my disappointment to the church staff regarding some remarks made by a guest speaker. Amazingly, the senior pastor replied to my email, very diplomatically, but he did reply. We traded more emails and eventually scheduled lunch together. The chat we had was engaging, pastoral, and included potential areas of collaboration in ministry.
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