Character Coach / Sports Chaplain Podcast - Serving Collegiate and High School Soccer Teams

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Serving Soccer Teams Podcast

Five Lies of a Sports Chaplain’s or Character Coach’s Identity

I recently saw a tweet that quoted Henri Nouwen’s Five lies of identity. I seems that this idea was delivered in a lecture by Henri Nouwen titled, “Who are We?: Exploring our Christian Identity.”  I had heard some of these articulated by others, but was glad to find the original source for these ideas.

Henri Nouwen’s Five Lies of Identity:

1) I am what I have.
2) I am what I do.
3) I am what other people say or think of me.
4) I  am nothing more than my worst moment.
5) I am nothing less than my best moment.

Five Lies of a Sports Chaplain’s or Character Coach’s Identity:

1) I am what I have. It’s a trap to find one’s identity in the privilege he’s given, in the prestige she receives by being connected with a team, in the team gear one is given to wear, in the championship rings some are blessed to receive, in the public platform we sometimes perilously ascend, or in the access we are afforded to changing rooms, to sidelines, to the coaches offices and more. Sports Chaplain, what you have does not define you. Most of it can easily be taken away or foolishly forfeited.

2) I am what I do. Serving as a sports chaplain or character coach is what I do, not who I am. To be the confidante to celebrity sportspeople is a responsibility, not a defining characteristic of one’s life. To be chaplain to champions in sport is a privilege, not a personal identity. Any or all these descriptions may be true of what we do, but they are neither primary nor permanent statements of our identity.

3) I am what other people say or think of me. I am not what others may see as a glamourized image, strolling the sidelines of a sports arena. I am not how others' flattery portrays me. I am not defined by my public reputation, good or bad. I am essentially as I am perceived in the poorly informed esteem of my colleagues and friends. Others’ opinions, their flattery or criticism, nor any other external assessment of me defines my life.

4) I  am nothing more than my worst moment. My lack of poise in a critical moment is not a life defining situation. My absence when I was critically needed does not establish my identity. When I have spoken foolishly, when morally compromised, when exposed by ethical failure, when fired from my role, when publically accused of wrongdoing, or when nothing I do seems to bear fruit, none of these moments of failure or neglect ultimately define who I am as a person.

5) I am nothing less than my best moment. I am not defined 100% by my highest achievement, by my association with a championship team, by the times when everyone responds well, or when it seems everything we touch flourishes. Our identity cannot be hung on the fleeting memories of our best days. To be defined by our personal highlight videos is simultaneously pitiful and delusional.

This simple chart displays many scriptural statements re: our identity in Christ. This identity is genuine, secure, and timeless. It’s quite natural for us to be lured into believing the lies of identity, as Nouwen lists them. It is critical that we eschew the lies and hold tightly to our identity in Christ Jesus. Lean into these scriptures and rest in your immutable identity in Christ.

Three Reflections from I Thessalonians 5

My friend and colleague, Stuart Weir of Verite’ Sport, has recently distributed a series of three reflections from chapter 5 of I Thessalonians. I found them to be quite good and have placed them below this paragraph. Please consider following Stuart on Twitter, @stuartweir and check out his excellent website, http://www.veritesport.org/. It’s full of great information, book reviews, free downloads for ministry in sport, and more.

Rejoice always.

Rejoice always 1 Thessalonians 5:16

This is the first of a short series from the end of 1 Thessalonians. Just two words this week but enough to challenge you all week! We live in a world of so much sadness and disappointment. Society gives us such high expectations. We want it all and we want it now. One of the first credit cards in the UK used the slogan “Take the waiting out of wanting”.

Into all that, Paul writes “Rejoice always”. He does not write “Rejoice when you win” or “Rejoice when you sign a lucrative contract” or “Rejoice when you get what you want”. Paul writes, “Rejoice always”.

An athlete I know talks about never letting your highs get too high or your lows too low. It is easier to rejoice with that attitude. At the 2019 World Relays I spoke to an athlete whose team ran brilliantly but messed up a baton change. The athlete expressed a brief frustration at the error but then said: “but we are all healthy, we finished the race and I am thankful for that”. An athlete once told me he had trained himself to smile at the end of a race, in victory or defeat, and in that moment to appreciate the privilege of being a professional athlete.

Rejoicing is an attitude of mind. Ask God to give you a greater capacity to rejoice.

Remember the words of Jesus to the disciples in Luke 10:20 “rejoice that your names are written in heaven.”

Now that is something to rejoice about.

Pray continually!

Pray continually! 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Just two words again this week, but it will take you a life-time to get it right! Paul is not asking you to give up normal life and live in a monastery. He is asking you to live normal life but to do so in an attitude of prayer. Our relationship with God is not based on an hour on Sunday morning but a 24/7 relationship, of which many would see that hour on Sunday morning as the culmination of the week.

Brother Lawrence in the 17th century wrote a book The practice of the presence of God in which he referred to the need: “to form a habit of conversing with God continually, and referring all we do to Him”. That is what Paul means. It is cultivating a habit of involving God in our daily life continually. Vaughan Roberts suggests that saying that one is going to church to worship is about as silly as saying, that one is off to bed to breathe for a while. Paul would say that same about prayer. Of course, it is good to pray in church and essential to set aside a time each day for prayer but on top of that it is good to have the habit of praying all the time everywhere.

A pro golfer told me he used some of the time walking between shots to pray, an athlete talked to me about repeating Bible verses on the blocks as a reminder that God was there. Think how you can make prayer more part of your daily life.

Give thanks.

Give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:18

One often hears athletes or coaches thanking God for victories. What about thanking God for defeats? Paul writes: “Give thanks in all circumstances” that must include when you lose. Sometimes defeat is hard to take; other times you can take positives from performance in spite of the result.

Just as Paul challenges us to pray without ceasing, he challenges us to give thanks in all circumstances. It starts with an attitude. If we approach life with a thankful heart, determined to look for things to be thankful for, it helps keep disappointments in perspective.

I am writing this immediately after playing walking football. We lost by one goal – my mistake in the last minute. I was so disappointed but in the grand scheme of things there were so many things to be thankful for: the joy of playing, the sun was shining, the camaraderie. Overall, I played OK. I have a choice to pout and moan or to be thankful for all the blessings.

Can you think of five things that happened today that you can be thankful for?