Building Relationships with Opponents

In our service of sportspeople it is only natural to focus exclusively on our team, our coaching staff, support staff, and their families. This is right and good. There are, however, others whom we encounter that we can influence as well. Among them are the game officials, administrators, facility personnel, and of particular note today, the opponents.

Without a worthy opponent, our experiences in sport are always training or practice. We need our opponents for sport to be at its best and for sport to provide the tests that are much of its greatest value to sportspeople. In the Kingdom of God, the proper way to relate to opponents is to love and respect them. This obviously runs upstream against the general culture of sport. Let’s consider some ways to build wise and loving relationships with our sporting opponents.

If your opponent has a chaplain or character coach, make contact well ahead of the competition to arrange to meet at the sporting venue or earlier for coffee or just to chat. I have done this many times over the years and it builds my network of trusted colleagues and friends.

If you have met coaches from the opposing team in past years, send an email or SMS message of greeting ahead of the competition. If you are allowed access to the field or court, seek them out to speak in the warm up period before things become more intense.

If you know any of the opposing players, seek them out during the warm up period for a handshake, a hug, and a brief blessing.

When engaged in any or all of these “against the grain” moments, be sure to communicate genuine respect, to model Christ-like love, to bless your opponents, and to pray with them if the opportunity and the relationship allows. Some of my most rewarding moments in sport have included emotional, direct communication of love and respect for opposing coaches, players, and chaplains while standing on a football field or a basketball field, just moments prior to strong competition.

I would challenge you to widen your vision as to who you may lovingly serve. As Jesus was asked, “Who then is my neighbor?” He responded with the story of the good Samaritan. The subject at hand was which is the greatest commandment. Our opponents are our neighbors. Jesus says the commandment is to love our neighbors as ourselves. Let’s transform our view of opponent from enemy to neighbor and thereby model an honorable and loving sport for those we serve and those who watch them.

USA Midwest Region FCA Sports Chaplaincy Training Plan

Sports Chaplaincy is growing around the world and even in the Midwest Region of the USA. In my new role of leading the FCA staff in the states of Illinois, Iowa, Nebraska, Kansas, and Missouri, with respect to developing sports chaplains and character coaches, I have been working on training and development plans for various sectors of the sporting world.

Below is a compilation of the training plan outlines and documents I am developing for these various sectors (high schools, clubs, professionals, collegiate sport, etc.). I hope they are of value to you and I would welcome your insights, comments, and suggestions as we work to facilitate the growth of this expression of ministry in sport.

Training Plan for FCA Midwest Region Sports Chaplaincy

FCA Staff Serving 100% as a Sports Chaplain

1.    Complete the six hour on-line training at www.globalsportschaplaincy.org.

2.    Complete a Fellowship of Christian Athletes Ministry Leader Application – www.fca.org/mla.

3.    Review and sign the FCA Sports Chaplaincy Code of Conduct.

4.    Receive in person FCA Sports Chaplaincy training as offered in the region.

5.    Submit an annual Ministry Development Plan to supervising FCA staff person.

6.    Participate in continuing ministry development opportunities.

a.    Annual FCA Sports Chaplains Conferences

b.    Networking with other Sports Chaplains

c.    Mentor and be mentored by other Sports Chaplains

d.    Monthly conference calls for Sports Chaplains

7.    Be available to learn to deliver training for Sports Chaplaincy; locally, regionally, or globally.

8.    Participate in FCA Communications School as it becomes available in the region.

Training Plan for FCA Midwest Region Sports Chaplaincy

FCA Staff with Sports Chaplain or Character Coach Responsibilities

(Area Representatives, Campus Directors, Area Directors, Multi Area Directors, State Directors)

1.    Complete the six hour on-line training at www.globalsportschaplaincy.org.

2.    Complete a Fellowship of Christian Athletes Ministry Leader Application – www.fca.org/mla. .

3.    Review and sign the FCA Sports Chaplaincy Code of Conduct.

4.    Receive in person FCA Sports Chaplaincy training as offered within driving distance of one’s service area.

5.    Include a Sports Chaplaincy game plan in one’s annual planning.

6.    Participate in continuing ministry development opportunities.

a.    Annual FCA Sports Chaplains Conferences

b.    Networking with other Sports Chaplains

c.    Mentoring with other Sports Chaplains

d.    Monthly conference calls for Sports Chaplains

Training Plan for FCA Midwest Region Sports Chaplaincy

FCA Staff who oversee:

Volunteer Sports Chaplains and Character Coaches

We will interact with FCA Volunteer Sports Chaplains and Character Coaches much in the same manner as we have with FCA Huddle Coaches for decades. We will offer them training, assistance, guidance, resources, encouragement, and direction in order to help them be as effective as possible in their service of the teams, coaches, and athletes to which they are assigned.

      The volunteers may come to you at the recommendation of coaches, parents, church leaders, or from your own acquaintance.

We will require these items from those serving as Volunteer Sports Chaplains or Character Coaches:

9.    Complete the six hour on-line training at www.globalsportschaplaincy.org.

10.  Complete a Fellowship of Christian Athletes Ministry Leader Application – www.fca.org/mla.

11.  Connect with FCA Staff in your area to:

a.    Review and sign the FCA Sports Chaplaincy Code of Conduct.

b.    Discuss service of designated team(s).

c.    Develop a preseason game plan for service.

d.    Conduct a post-season review.

12.  Participate in continuing ministry development opportunities.

a.    Monthly conference calls for Sports Chaplains.

b.    Annual FCA Sports Chaplains conference if possible.

c.    In person FCA Sports Chaplaincy training when offered in your area.

We will request these items from the FCA staff overseeing Volunteer Sports Chaplains or Character Coaches:

1.    An annual game plan for the oversight of Volunteer Sports Chaplains and Character Coaches.

2.    Monthly calls with the FCA Regional Sports Chaplaincy Coordinator.

3.    An annual report of the results of the service of Volunteer Sports Chaplains and Character Coaches.

Training Plan for FCA Midwest Region Sports Chaplaincy

Volunteer Sports Chaplains and Character Coaches

1.    Complete the six hour on-line training at www.globalsportschaplaincy.org.

2.    Complete a Fellowship of Christian Athletes Ministry Leader Application – www.fca.org/mla.

3.    Connect with FCA Staff in your area to:

a.    Review and sign the FCA Sports Chaplaincy Code of Conduct.

b.    Discuss service of designated team(s).

c.    Develop a preseason game plan for service.

d.    Conduct a post-season review.

4.    Participate in continuing ministry development opportunities.

a.    Monthly conference calls for Sports Chaplains.

b.    Annual FCA Sports Chaplains conference if possible.

c.    In person FCA Sports Chaplaincy training when offered in your area.

Statement of Purpose:

Fellowship of Christian Athletes Sports Chaplains, Character Coaches, and Sports Mentors are Christ’s ambassadors among the people of sport. They love extravagantly and they serve selflessly.

Code of Ethics

1.    Chaplains are to be committed Christians who are active members of a local church in regular attendance. 

2.    Chaplains are to ensure a regular and reliable prayer group for their ministry.

3.    Chaplains treat all persons with dignity and respect.

4.    Chaplains serve all persons without discrimination regardless of religion, faith group, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, gender, age or disability.

5.    Chaplains affirm the religious and spiritual freedom of all persons and refrain from imposing doctrinal positions or spiritual practices on persons whom they encounter in their roles. (However the Christian chaplain is always prepared to give an account for the Christian faith when appropriate.)

6.    Chaplains do not condone or support unlawful discrimination against colleagues or others with whom they have contact in their roles.

7.    Chaplains are accountable for maintaining the integrity of their relationships. They will not use their position with, or knowledge of, another for personal gain. They shall refrain from emotional, financial, sexual or any other form of exploitation.

8.    Chaplains do not engage in sexual misconduct. They will serve in full compliance with FCA’s sexual purity statement.

9.    Chaplains follow professional ethics regarding client confidentiality, sharing private information about those whom they serve only according to those ethics.

10.  Chaplains conduct themselves with integrity in all their professional relationships including those whom they serve, their colleagues, and the organization that they serve.

11.  Chaplains accurately represent their qualifications and affiliations.

12.  Chaplains maintain accurate and current records, finances, or other documents required in the course of their ministry.

13.  Chaplains maintain ongoing personal growth and development in theology, spirituality, leadership skills, and others areas that enhance their ministry proficiency.

14.  Chaplains make referrals or obtain consultations, in a timely manner, when in the best interests of those served.

Standards of Conduct

1.    Meet with another Christian on a regular basis for encouragement and accountability.

2.    Be personally accountable for their conduct to the local FCA staff, respect and seek to observe their policies and procedures. 

3.    Seek the guidance and clearance of the sport’s governing authority to exercise their chaplaincy role. (e.g. NCAA compliance rules, High School administrative rules, etc.…)

4.    Seek to make contact with the sport leadership initially upon their arrival at each meeting/event.

5.    Seek to safeguard the neutrality of their role by avoiding excessive partiality towards any particular group in their care.

6.    Be careful not to be critical of the sports organization’s administrative or regular team practices.

7.    Be a help to sports people and avoid taking sides in disputes or negotiations.

8.    When offered, graciously receive passes, uniforms and benefits, and avoid undue requests for additional privileges for self or others.

9.    Chaplains should refrain from taking advantage of their privileged position. Avoid using or permitting others to use the chaplain’s services to secure unfair personal or professional advantage.

Statement of Faith

·         We believe the Bible to be the inspired, the only infallible, authoritative Word of God. (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

·         We believe there is only one God, eternally existent in three persons: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. (Matthew 28:19)

·         We believe in the deity of Christ (John 1:1), in His virgin birth (Matthew 1:18, 25), in His sinless life (Hebrews 4:15), in His miracles, in His vicarious and atoning death through His shed blood (Hebrews 9:15-22), in His bodily resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:1-8), in His ascension to the right hand of the Father (Acts 1:9-11) and in His personal return in power and glory (Hebrews 9:27-28).

·         We believe that for the salvation of lost and sinful men (women), regeneration by the Holy Spirit is absolutely essential. (John 3:16; John 5:24; Titus 3:3-7)

·         We believe in the present ministry of the Holy Spirit, by whose indwelling the Christian is enabled to live a godly life. (John 14:15-26; John 16:5-16; Ephesians 1:13-14)

·         We believe in the resurrection of both the saved and the lost, they that are saved unto the resurrection of life and they that are lost unto the resurrection of damnation. (Matthew 25:31-46; 1 Thessalonians 4:13-18)

·         We believe in the spiritual unity of believers in our Lord Jesus Christ. (Philippians 2:1-4)

Statement of Values

Our relationships will demonstrate steadfast commitment to Jesus Christ and His Word through Integrity, Serving, Teamwork and Excellence.

Integrity - We will demonstrate Christ-like wholeness, privately, and publicly. (Prov. 11:3)

Serving - We will model Jesus’ example of serving. (John 13:1-17)

Teamwork - We will express our unity in Christ in all our relationships. (Philippians 2:1-4)

Excellence - We will honor and glorify God in all we do. (Colossians 3:23-24)

Ministry Distinctives

·         Christ Centered…focus of our message

·         Bible-based…source of our Authority

·         Spiritually Nurturing…helping people to know and grow in Christ.

·         Kingdom Minded…serving the purpose of the Church.

·         Volunteer Intensive…mobilizing adults to accomplish the Mission.

·         Fellowship Oriented…connecting people through the Body of Christ.

·         Culturally Adaptive…meeting the diverse needs of people.

·         Athletically Focused…ministering to Coaches and Athletes.

·         Faith Financed…funded through people moved by God.

        I agree to serve in full compliance with these standards of ethics and conduct, statements of faith, values, and ministry distinctives.

_________________________________________________________________________Sport Chaplain / Character Coach / Sport Mentor                                                        Date

_________________________________________________________________________Fellowship of Christian Athletes Staff Person                                                          Date

_________________________________________________________________________Sports Organization Leader (Coach, Athletic Director, Club Manager, etc.…)        Date

Ministry in Major League Baseball

Below is an article from the St. Louis Post Dispatch about the chaplain to the St. Louis Cardinals of Major League Baseball. This is a pretty good representation of the nature of sports chaplaincy in Major League Baseball. Here is a link to the article - http://www.stltoday.com/sports/columns/benjamin-hochman/hochman-patrick-is-unsung-hero-for-cardinals/article_a739d378-e5f2-5842-b18c-d3ea2f602d01.html?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter

Hochman: Chaplain works behind the scenes with Cardinals

February 22, 2016 5:40 am  •  By Benjamin Hochman

JUPITER, Fla. • As he promenaded about the Cardinals clubhouse Sunday, this guy had some sort of a magnetism to him, like a popular ex-ballplayer, back to see the boys. But I didn’t recognize this guy from the mental packs and stacks of baseball cards in my brain. Still, the current Cardinals seemed so comfortable chatting with him; clubhouse employees, too.

Who is this guy?

“We’ve got strength coaches, we’ve got hitting coaches, we’ve got pitching coaches,” he’d tell me later. “I just want to be the guy who’s kind of a spiritual coach, really.”

His name is Darrin Patrick, and he’s important to your favorite players.

He’s the Cardinals’ chaplain, and he’s carved a niche for himself here. He’s a disarming dude the players relate to and still admire. He wears jeans. He sports stylish gray glasses that complement his salt-and-pepper stubble.

The pastor purposely places “man” and “dude” into his dialogue, to personalize his message. He tells them that he’s “the guy who doesn’t need anything from you,” a refreshing notion for players who are constantly tugged. And he’s essential, because he provides balance for the ballplayers.

“I can go through, locker by locker, and not every single guy but quite a few, he’s been there for,” manager Mike Matheny said. “Life happens to these guys. I think people forget that. I think they see them with this persona and they physically look like they have it all together, and emotionally and mentally have it together. But in the meanwhile, we’ve got guys going through rough stuff. Just like everybody else. They’re not immune to it.”

Baseball is a religion, some say. But religion in baseball is tricky. There is a fine line with it all, especially with so many mixed beliefs out there. Clearly, as seen Sunday, when numerous Cardinals sat at picnic tables to hear Patrick speak, religion is important to players. And many fans get fevered about athletes who are also faith-based, for there’s a connection they feel. But there are also times when an athlete can come off as judgmental, as if his or her faith makes someone better, or more complete, than someone not of that faith.

But when it comes to the Cardinals players, it’s very simple: Their lives are complicated and pressure-packed, and Patrick calms them.

“A lot of people will read this article and go, ‘Let’s leave baseball to baseball, and you guys need to be worrying about work,’” pitcher Adam Wainwright said. “But what you have to understand is, we work on Sundays, and for people who find their faith important, our time to then go to church is the chaplain. …

“It’s not an easy job to sit down in front of 20 professional athletes who have large egos and lots of different problems of their own and guard themselves against a lot of different people trying to get into their lives and talk to them. It’s not an easy job to speak into people’s lives, and he’s found a way to do that.”

Patrick himself was a ballplayer, a good one, at the high school level. He played catcher, loved Ted Simmons. At 45, Patrick is a tall man and a strapping man, so he visually fits in around the clubhouse. Another way he connects to players is through his honesty. Of his high school days in Illinois, “I was a mess,” he admitted. “All I wanted to do was have sex with girls, get high and not work. I was an athlete, but I was also the druggie athlete guy. So I could relate to both sides. I know what it’s like to live on the other side of the tracks, so I have zero judgment for people who are struggling in any area of their life, because we’re all in a process. And that’s really my story. I’m just trying to help people flourish, while respecting their journey and process, and at the same time trying to call people to be what they were created to be. ...

“What does that look like? For this season, it might be the dude’s marriage. His dealing with anxiety. His spiritual development. It’s really case by case, year by year, player by player.”

One Cardinals player had a parent who was very sick, so Patrick visited the parent at the hospital and prayed with the family. Another Cardinal, Patrick explained, was “just wrestling with marriage issues, you know?” So Patrick offered advice and an ear. When former Cardinal Shelby Miller got married, Miller asked Patrick to officiate. And perhaps the most common way Patrick impacts the Cardinals is through talks about family, money and boundary issues. How does a player honor those he loves and financially aid those he loves, without feeling overwhelmed or off-put by the whole dynamic?

“Somebody said, ‘Leadership is disappointing people at a rate that they can tolerate,’” Patrick explained with a chuckle.

Now, bad teams have chaplains, too. Praying or dissecting prayer doesn’t make you hit a curveball better. But in an age where, as we know, players have more demands than ever before — physically, mentally, financially, psychologically — it seems that Patrick is a nice fit for this clubhouse. He’s definitely comfortable in there, and the Cardinals are comfortable with him.

Methods and Values for Networking

Among the most effective skills I have developed across the decades of my career is the ability to network well. To understand who people are, why they are important, how to connect with them, and the value of consistently communicating with them is vital to effective networking.

I’d like to have you consider this skill in terms of methods and values.

Methods – The methods for effective networking are faster, more responsive, and less costly than ever. When I began to understand it in the 1980s, we networked with land line telephones, fax machines, post cards, letters, and face to face meetings. Over thirty years later, we network through mobile phones (calls and SMS messages), email, social media (Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and probably others…), Skype video calls, and occasionally even meeting face to face. One has to find the methods that best fits his or her communication style, time commitments, and technological abilities to choose well.

Values – Knowing one’s purposes for networking and the intended results for it will shape most of his or her values in networking. My phone, and probably your phone, is full of names, email addresses, mobile and office phone numbers. Those of us with smart phones have more computing power in our hands than there was on the first moon landing craft in the 1960s. We can use that computing power wisely or foolishly, our values for networking will make the difference. Stated below are some simple values for networking effectively:

·        Communicate frequently. It has been important to me to send a devotional thought to friends and colleagues every Monday morning for well over ten years. The list of people to whom I send these notes is nearly 900 all around the world. One weekly email helps me stay connected with a very wide network. I also aim to send emails to this separate list of sports chaplaincy colleagues every Friday. This list contains several hundred people from six continents as well. This frequency seems to work to do what I hope to accomplish with emailed devotions and notes for sports chaplains, character coaches, and sports mentors.

·        Communicate briefly. The attention span of consumers of electronic material seems to be shortening all the time. To keep one’s correspondence to around 250-300 words gives your message a chance to be consumed completely. If it’s too long, most will check out just part of the way through your thoughts. The confines of Twitter’s 140 character format have actually helped me find ways to communicate very succinctly.

·        Communicate freely. Don’t expect a prompt reply from all those with whom you communicate. My experience is that very few will reply at all. Even if your note really resonates with a person’s heart and produces great fruit, the impacted person is not likely to write you back. If you can’t handle that lack of response, don’t set yourself up for disappointment by sharing your thoughts in this manner. Think of it like radio or broadcast television. You cast your communication into the air and hope it has the intended effect, but you seldom know if it’s connecting until much later.

·        Communicate directly. In networking, regardless of the media, it is wise to be direct and to come straight to the point. A handshake, the repetition of the person’s name, a connection with his or her company, and the exchange of business cards has been the stock in trade of those who network well for decades. This same sort of direct communication is most effective in building one’s network through electronic and social media. Get to the point, quickly.

No matter the chosen media or method, we can be effective networkers as we shape the process by wise application of values for the process. “Please give me your contact information and I’ll be sure to be in touch.” It’s about that simple. Build your network and broaden your influence. It’s worth the time and effort. I promise.

Solitude, Groups, Crowds, and Family

One of the ongoing, constantly shifting, concerns of my life and ministry is managing the ratio of time spent in solitude, in small groups, in crowds, and with family. I know each is important and even vital to a healthy lifestyle and a vibrant ministry, but what are the proper ratios for each aspect of life?

It would be very tidy to assign 25% of one’s time to each area and to call it done. I cannot do that for a number of reasons. My life is seldom that tidy, being the foremost reason. I believe giftedness, personality type, and season of life, each being other factors in building these ratios. Let’s think about these facets of life and ministry individually and about how heavily each one should weigh in the structures of your life and ministry.

Solitude – Each of us would surely say this is an important part of our lifestyle and ministry. To have quiet, private time for reading, contemplation, and composition of ideas is vital. But how much of your day, week, month, and year should this occupy? For me, personally, this is most difficult. Because of being extremely extroverted, easily distracted, and full of energy for activity, I find solitude very difficult. My moments of solitude most often occur while driving my car down the highway. I build one day per month into my calendar for quiet reflection, reading, planning and such, and I usually can make that happen. (Thank you John Stott for the recommendation.) Once a year, I plan and execute a three to four day study retreat where I can be 100% alone, listen to music, read, write, and plan the coming year. Some of my friends, and my wife in particular, are perfectly happy with hours per day of solitude and quiet. They find it fulfilling and relaxing. I about go nuts in the first two hours! Let’s find time for solitude, whether it is 2% or 50% of your time will likely be shaped by personality, giftedness, and calling.

Groups – I am sure we would each and all see the need to live and serve in small groups. To interact with people in groups of 4 to 24 is both healthy and builds community in an excellent way. We can know people deeply when we spend time with them on a regular basis, whether focused on study, worship, service, or fellowship. The best groups combine a measure of all four elements. This is the environment in which I best serve and grow. I seek groups and regularly start new ones. The extroverted among us will soak up the energy of the group and thrive in its life. The introverted among us will likely be drained by the group, and the larger the group the more quickly their energies will fade. If one is an introvert, finding the proper size, content, and focus for group life would seem to be most important. They need group life as much as the extrovert needs solitude, though not necessarily their preferred cup of tea. Let’s find a way to build small group life into our schedules. Let’s entrust our hearts to some trustworthy men and women who will care for us in our best and our worst days.

Crowds – I seldom find people who are ambivalent about crowds. Most folks either love the chaotic movement of a sea of unidentified human beings or they are intimidated, crowded, and disturbed by the masses. For some the crowd is something to be avoided, while others feed off the energy and emotion felt in large groups of 200 or more people. I believe this is why most churches in the USA have 120 or fewer people in attendance most Sundays. To have more people than that compromises people’s ability to know everyone and leads to feelings of being alone in a crowd of strangers. This also accounts why some churches which break through the 250 person barrier, grow to become megachurches with thousands in attendance weekly. These people are very comfortable in crowds and don’t feel any compulsion to know everyone’s name. I believe it is healthy and even wise to find some time to be in crowds. In ministry, these crowds are like huge fishing holes. In crowds we can meet people new to us, we may find candidates to join our groups, we may find new friends or ministry partners, and we can simply enjoy the unique strength and joy that is afforded those who participate in corporate worship in a huge crowd. No matter our natural bent toward crowds, let’s find ways to participate in them and to gather from their unique advantages.

Family – I am sure you have read about this, attended seminars, done the workbooks, watched the videos, and suffered the pangs of guilt offered by so many related to the life of your family. I will not add to your load of guilt and despair. Rather, I would like to have you see family life from a broad perspective. One’s season of life should probably be a strong factor in how one prioritizes time and resources related to family. When I was a young husband and father, we were rather poor and scraped together a living with long hours of work and little recreation time. We spent a lot of time with family because we had no choice. Later, as our careers developed and our son got older, we prioritized time to be with him in his youth sporting activities. It was the right time to invest those hours in practice, driving to and from games, and playing ball at home with him. As we became empty-nesters, our use of time shifted more toward career development and time with my wife. Now as grandparents, we carve out time to drive the hour and a quarter each way to be with two little girls. We make time for them, regardless of most other factors. Over the years, the ratio of time spent with family was largely dictated by the opportunities at hand for the best expression of love, commitment, loyalty, and investment in those for whom we care most deeply.

Finally, please hear the admonition of one almost sixty years old, who has made enough mistakes to have some perspective. Please make time for solitude, your soul needs it. The Lord may speak to you in the quiet moment, if you have one. Please seek out and form intimate small groups, you and they need it. The Lord may speak to you through a trusted and loving member of your group, if you are in one. Please find a way to be in a crowd on occasion, your vision needs this. The whole world is not just like your small group, nor like the person in your mirror, your vision can expand and your hope can be renewed in a healthy, vibrant crowd experience. Please make time for your family, all those around you need it. Your family is a model for the untold number who are watching you. You have a unique opportunity to show all those around you what a Christ-honoring family looks like, warts and all. Love them extravagantly and the world will beat a path to your door to learn how.