During a recent conversation with a colleague, I mentioned that sports chaplains and character coaches usually want to engage coaches with coaches like those suggested by Joe Ehrmann. "Why do you coach? Why do you coach the way you do? What does it feel like to be coached by you? How do you define and measure success?" Those are certainly questions I want to ask coaches to contemplate and discuss. The problem is, that presupposes they are ready to engage at that level of discussion. Many, if not most, are not.
Rather than simply wait for coaches to express such hunger for growth, I suggested to my colleague a few precursor questions leading toward deeper discussions in the future. Like most communication, speaking with coaches goes best when we start where they are and work to advance the discussion toward their hearts.
Let's think about questions for talking with coaches on three levels: 1 - Facts and Stories. 2 - Values and Opinions. 3 - Heart and Soul. Let's leave the Heart and Soul questions as Coach Ehrmann's listed above. I will offer a few questions for levels 1 and 2 in the following paragraphs.
1 - Facts and Stories. Most anyone will answer questions like these, if you phrase brief questions seeking brief answers. "Who was one of the best coaches you played for or coached with? Tell me about him/her." "Across your years of coaching, what has made for the best players (parents of players, assistant coaches...)?" "What have been some of your most rewarding moments in coaching this sport?" Enabling people to tell their stories can reveal a good deal about their values and approach to sport and coaching. Ask about people, situations, and experiences.
2 - Values and Opinions. If the coach has been forthcoming about level 1 information, and if you have time to talk more, transition to asking a follow up question. "Why was it about that coach you respected so highly?" "Why are those qualities in players (parents of players, assistant coaches...) so important to you?" "How have those rewarding moments shaped how you coach?" Ask about values, opinions, and significance.
3 - Heart and Soul. Getting to this level of discussion may happen quickly, but probably will not. It could take weeks, months, or years to arrive. "Why do you coach? Why do you coach the way you do? What does it feel like to be coached by you? How do you define and measure success?" Ask about these most consequential, impactful, and transformational matters of the heart and soul.
When we engage coaches in these sorts of discussions, it deepens our relationships with them, it shapes how they coach, and it can enrich their lives immediately and eternally.
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