Serving in Loneliness and Isolation

It’s pretty common for our colleagues serving in the role sports chaplains or character coaches to confess their feelings of loneliness and isolation. While surrounded by coaches, competitors, and support staff, we can still feel the numbing effect of loneliness. We are often geographically isolated from our colleagues and friends in ministry. At other times we’re rather distant from other ministry leaders by virtue of our peculiarly narrow niche of service. Who else is serving the sporting community? We’re out here by ourselves and it takes an emotional toll, even on tough guys.

The psalmist, David, powerfully expressed his sense of loneliness and isolation, even abandonment in Psalm 22.

My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?
Far from my deliverance are the words of my groaning.
² O my God, I cry by day, but You do not answer;
And by night, but I have no rest.

We, on this side of the crucifixion, associate this psalm’s first line with the Lord Jesus as He quoted it from the cross. The psalm perfectly expressed His own emotions of abandonment, loneliness, and isolation. Whether due to broken relationships, a coach’s firing, players being traded, our service being terminated, or any other factors, many of us groan with loneliness, find no answers to our prayers, and find no rest for our isolated souls.

The psalmist’s heart rebounded, as ours generally do as we remember the Lord’s faithfulness to us and to those who preceded us in the faith.

Yet You are holy,
O You who are enthroned upon the praises of Israel.
⁴ In You our fathers trusted;
They trusted and You delivered them.
⁵ To You they cried out and were delivered;
In You they trusted and were not disappointed.

Both we and the psalmist remind ourselves of the Lord’s trustworthiness, His flawless track record toward those who trust Him.

The psalmist goes on to list countless expressions of his unworthiness, his pain, and loneliness. His attention turns on a dime at verse 19.

But You, O Lord, be not far off;
O You my help, hasten to my assistance.
²⁰ Deliver my soul from the sword,
My only life from the power of the dog.
²¹ Save me from the lion’s mouth;
From the horns of the wild oxen You answer me.

The complaints turn to prayers of petition for the Lord to be near, to hurry to his aid, to deliver him from violence, and from life consuming enemies.

As the psalm concludes from verse 30, the psalmist has raised his sights to a more joyous and vigorous future.

Posterity will serve Him;
It will be told of the Lord to the coming generation.
³¹ They will come and will declare His righteousness
To a people who will be born, that He has performed it.  

David’s former loneliness seems to be put away by a clearer picture of the Lord’s faithfulness, not only in the past, but projected into the coming generations of God’s people.

I find that many of us experience a similar pattern when we encounter loneliness and isolation. We start in abject despair and often a little self-pity. We retreat to our Bibles, our private hours of prayer, to worship, to contemplation, and we soon recall the Lord’s faithfulness. Even when we fully embrace our weakness and the pains of our situation, we soon find our complaints turn to supplication. Our hearts shift into prayer and our minds look to a brighter future. We renew our engagement with our friends, colleagues, and those we serve. Soon our souls are refreshed and our vision for the future is restored.

I pray that Psalm 22, usually recalled in moments of loneliness and isolation, encourages your heart with reminders of God’s faithfulness - past, present, and future.

November 2018 Sports Chaplain / Character Coach Conference Call

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November 2018 Sports Chaplain / Character Coach Conference Call

Upcoming Sports Chaplain / Character Coach Podcasts

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Serving in Failure and Losing

There are days, often weeks, occasionally months, and even seasons when we are serving a team experiencing failure and loses a lot. Losing streaks and losing seasons are terribly painful and frustrating, even for the team chaplain or character coach. To not empathize with their situation keeps us at a distance and diminishes the relationships we intend to build. Even as we maintain perspective and communicate hope and support, we will surely experience the club’s failure and feel the pain of loss.

The psalmist expressed his heart, crushed by failure and loss, but with perspective buoyed by hope in Psalm 46.

God is our refuge and strength,
A very present help in trouble.
² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change
And though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea;
³ Though its waters roar and foam,
Though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah.

The psalmist will trust in God even when the two greatest symbols of constancy and power would be shaken. The mountains and the sea could each be in turmoil, but God would continue to be his very present help in trouble.

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
The holy dwelling places of the Most High.
⁵ God is in the midst of her, she will not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
⁶ The nations made an uproar, the kingdoms tottered;
He raised His voice, the earth melted.
⁷ The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.

In this second stanza the psalmist considers the volatile nature of international relations, the security of his home city, and the Lord’s faithful power. When the nations make an uproar and totter kingdoms, the Lord simply raises His voice and the earth melts. He finds safety and security in his Lord.

Come, behold the works of the Lord,
Who has wrought desolations in the earth.
⁹ He makes wars to cease to the end of the earth;
He breaks the bow and cuts the spear in two;
He burns the chariots with fire.
¹⁰ “Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
¹¹ The Lord of hosts is with us;
The God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.

In stanza three the psalmist pulls back the focus and looks broadly at the scope of the Lord’s works across the world. He sees His hand in desolations, in the cessation of wars, and in the destruction of armies. He hears the Lord’s voice of comfort and assurance that He is in charge. He will be lifted up in the sight of all nations. The Lord is with us. He is our stronghold.

This psalm speaks to our hearts in the midst of failure and losing. It speaks comfort, it speaks trust, it speaks faith. Though the strength of our team is compromised, God is with us. Though we experience the volatility of sports culture and hear the noise of rivals’ voices, The Lord is our source of safety and security. Let’s join the psalmist in pulling back our focus to see the Lord’s work in our team, in our sport, in our relationships. He speaks these words to us and to those we serve, “Cease striving and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” We can trust Him in every circumstance.

p.s. One of my favorite authors, Eugene Peterson, died last week. I love his translations of the psalms in The Message. Here is a link to a You Tube video featuring Bono from U2 and Eugene Peterson as they discuss how the Psalms have shaped their lives in Christ. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-l40S5e90KY

Serving in Strength and Winning

There are days, months, seasons, or even eras when all is going well, the team is winning, we are enjoying favor widely, and all seems right with the world. These moments are even sweeter when they have been preceded by losing streaks, pain, or clumsy transitions. Such was the expression of the psalmist in Psalm 126.

When the Lord brought back his exiles to Jerusalem,

    it was like a dream!

² We were filled with laughter,

    and we sang for joy.

And the other nations said,

    “What amazing things the Lord has done for them.”

³ Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us!

    What joy!

What joy, indeed! We can almost hear the laughter, the shouts of joy, and the music bumping in the locker room when reading these verses. The newspapers, television commentators, on-line sports outlets, and even social media is full of praise for our team. Those with perspective even give the Lord credit for having blessed the fruit of their labors.

After the immediate rush of emotions, we eventually calm down and begin to look ahead. The psalmist does similarly in the second half of Psalm 126.

Restore our fortunes, Lord,

    as streams renew the desert.

⁵ Those who plant in tears

    will harvest with shouts of joy.

⁶ They weep as they go to plant their seed,

    but they sing as they return with the harvest.

With renewed perspective and a forward look, the psalmist seeks the Lord’s blessing for restoration. He reflects upon the recently completed and continual process of painful and occasionally grievous preparation, followed by joyful and bountiful harvest reaping.

Such is the process experienced by the men and women of sport. May we be a source of godly perspective for those we serve, even as we experience both the pain of preparation and loss as well as the joy of strength and winning with them.

Chapel Talk - Men are Needed

On Saturday morning, October 13, 2018 I delivered a chapel talk to the Southern Illinois University Football team and coaching staff. Its title was, Men are Needed. Our head coach wants the entire program to be built on the foundational idea of, “Be a Man.” I have been entrusted with the task of defining terms in this process. A large majority of our young men grew up in one parent families, without their fathers in the homes, thus making the idea of being a man more than a little difficult to grasp.

Friday night, as I was preparing, I sent a text message to many friends, colleagues, and my mentor asking for prayer. I could already feel the weight of this message for these young men. More than some sort of hype message, or a pregame rah rah talk, I intended to speak to their hearts about the value of their being the men they were made to be.

I began by asking the men to think about this question, “Who are the important men in your life?”

Secondly, I asked them to consider when they need those men. I offered suggestions like:

·        When making big decisions.

·        When in trouble.

·        When confused.

·        When in need of guidance.

·        When achieving greatly.

·        When failing.

·        When feeling thankful.

·        When needing affirmation.

I said, “Men are needed, by all of us in the room, and by all those around us.”

I asked one of our leaders, a junior running back, to pray.

I introduced and read the day’s scriptural text, Philippians 1:21-24.

For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. 22 But if I am to live on in the flesh, this will mean fruitful labor for me; and I do not know which to choose. 23 But I am hard-pressed from both directions, having the desire to depart and be with Christ, for that is very much better;24 yet to remain on in the flesh is more necessary for your sake.

I explained that the apostle was ready to leave this life and to be with Christ in Heaven. He was very aware, however that his friends in Philippi needed him. He, therefore, was committed to stay where he was, for their sake.

I then stated the following ideas with strong conviction and a commanding tone of voice:

·        Men are needed by their friends.

o   When they need someone to trust.

o   When they need someone to encourage them.

o   When they need someone to believe in.

o   Men are needed by their friends.

·        Men are needed by their parents.

o   For their lives to have a legacy.

o   For security.

o   For a sense of family pride. “That’s my son.”

o   Men are needed by their parents.

·        Men are needed by the women in their lives – mothers, sisters, girlfriends, wives.

o   For security.

o   For provision.

o   For comfort.

o   For stability.

o   For courage.

o   For direction.

o   For confidence.

o   Men are needed by the women in their lives.

·        Men are needed by their children.

o   Your children need you. Hear these statistics:

§  63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes.

§  90% of all homeless and runaway children are from fatherless homes.

§  85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes.

§  71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes.

o   My son is 41 years old. He still needs me and I need him.

o   Men are needed by their children.

·        Today, Men are needed by their teammates.

o   To compete.

o   To battle.

o   To overcome.

·        We are men. We need each other. Let’s compete like champions. Let’s be the men we were created to be.

·        I prayed to wrap things up and to bless our pregame meal.  

I was pleased with how things turned out, and I sent a thank you text message to those who had prayed for me. I pray that this message had its designed impact upon our coaches and players, and I pray it is some value to you and those you serve as well.

Raise Your Game.

It was a unique privilege to be invited by Sports Chaplaincy United Kingdom CEO, Warren Evans, to speak at their annual conference in Bradford, England earlier this summer. Throughout the conference the attendees were challenged to “Raise their Game.” I talked with the gathered men and women about what it is to inspire and to be inspired. I then spoke with them about how we challenge and receive challenges. Lastly, I spoke with them about how sports chaplains must stretch and be stretched to serve effectively. Below is the outline from each talk. No frills, no stories, just the essentials.

Raise Your Game.

Ø Inspire

Ø  Challenge

Ø  Stretch

I n s p i r e

·        Who inspires you?

·        Context for inspiration: Fear, ambition, & jealousy. Mark 10:42-45

o   Inspired to be great? Serve.

o   Inspired to be first? Be everyone’s slave.

o   Inspired to be like Jesus? Sacrifice.

o   To what are you inspired?

Ø To be great?

Ø To be first?

Ø To be like Jesus?

C h a l l e n g e

·        Elisha is challenged to follow.

o   I Kings 19:19-21

o   II Kings 2:1-2

o   II Kings 2:8

·        Elisha requests a double challenge.

o   II Kings 2:9-12

·        Elisha receives a double challenge.

o   II Kings 2:13-14

·        Serving as a sports chaplain is very challenging.

·        Accept the challenge!

S t r e t c h

·        To Raise Your Game will require you to stretch and to be stretched.

·        Stretch by holding tightly to your faith.

o   Hebrews 10:23

·        Stretch by stirring up your colleagues.

o   Hebrews 10:24

·        Stretch by gathering for encouragement.

o   Hebrews 10:25

Raise Your Game.

Ø Inspire

Ø Challenge

Ø Stretch