Christmas Greetings

 Partners in Ministry,

In the same region there were some shepherds staying out in the fields and keeping watch over their flock by night. 9 And an angel of the Lord suddenly stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them; and they were terribly frightened. 10 But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid; for behold, I bring you good news of great joy which will be for all the people; 11 for today in the city of David there has been born for you a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. 12 This will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.” 13 And suddenly there appeared with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying,

14 “Glory to God in the highest,
And on earth peace among men with whom He is pleased.”

15 When the angels had gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds began saying to one another, “Let us go straight to Bethlehem then, and see this thing that has happened which the Lord has made known to us.” 16 So they came in a hurry and found their way to Mary and Joseph, and the baby as He lay in the [h]manger. 17 When they had seen this, they made known the statement which had been told them about this Child. 18 And all who heard it wondered at the things which were told them by the shepherds. 19 But Mary treasured all these things, pondering them in her heart. 20 The shepherds went back, glorifying and praising God for all that they had heard and seen, just as had been told them.

Christmas blessings to you and yours.

The Importance of One’s Spouse to Effective Service as a Character Coach or Sports Chaplain

My wife, Sharon, and I have been married for nearly fifty years. Across those years, we have certainly grown, individually and as a couple. I am very thankful for her patience and loyalty toward me when I was young, naive, foolish, and irresponsible. It would have been much easier for her to leave at multiple points along the way. 

After some reflection, I have identified some ways one's spouse makes an immense difference in how one serves as a sports chaplain or character coach. Five of those ways are listed below for your consideration. I hope you find you have found such a spouse and have been favored by the Lord. He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Proverbs 18:22

Support, not tolerance. I was once the king of involvement, the prince of commitment, the duke of activism. If there was something to be done, I was ready to do it; especially if it was a "religious activity." I was adept at rationalizing my overcommitment to everyone but my wife and son by reasoning the meeting, concert, worship service, or even sporting event was a matter of calling. Eventually, things came to a head in a liberating but painful argument. I shouted, "I want support, not tolerance!" I began withdrawing from commitments and activities until we reached a level she could support. Wow, that was painful. I stopped doing a number of things that were fulfilling and in which I found success. This moment of maturation was instrumental to my becoming fit for fulfillment of my calling.

Ego suppression. It amazes me. Upon arrival from a ministry trip on the other side of the globe, having spoken with wonderful and significant people speaking exotic languages, and enjoying their respect, my bride will say something like, "Please take out the trash. The faucet is dripping. My car needs an oil change." Doesn't she know who I am?  Does she not get that I am kind of a big deal, at least in my own mind? She is supremely talented at ego suppression and never fails to remind me of my real identity. I am Richard and Ann's boy, Sharon's husband, Jason's dad, Addie and Elise's papa. With my ego sufficiently deflated, I can properly resume my life's true and proper roles.

Hospitality. Sharon's gift of hospitality is remarkable and it is a key part of how I serve coaches and teams. Across the last fifteen years, we have hosted individuals and groups in our home for meetings, meals, and relaxation. We have hosted players hiding from the media during the NFL draft, FCA huddles for Bible study, coaching staffs for breakfast, team captains for dinner, professional baseball players for a home cooked meal, and many for coffee and mentorship. A wonderful cook, Sharon always creates something that is appropriate to the moment, feeding both the stomach and the soul. Her gift of hospitality sets the table, both literally and figuratively, for my role as ministry leader. I'm quite sure who would be more greatly missed if one of us was not around.

Maintenance of perspective. Ministry in sport can be quite stressful and it's easy to be consumed by it. Fundraising is always difficult. We often carry the frustrations and concerns of those we serve. We are constantly adjusting to changes in staff, in players, and the sport itself. When these stresses are piling up, my wife has an uncanny ability to restore my perspective by drawing my attention to the most important matters to us both. Aging parents. Our son's young family. Our friends. Our responsibilities. The simple mention of such things directs my attention to our greatest priorities and my perspective snaps back into shape, at least for a while. Those pressing issues will still be there later, but for now, perspective demands I be 100% present.

Lover of one’s soul. I would imagine each of us have people who love us, at least parts of us. I know I have friends and acquaintances who love my social media posts. Some seem to love the idea of who I am, a character coach or sports chaplain. Some love me as a reliable family member when crises arise. Some love my sense of humor, others not so much. I am sure there are countless others who either don't care for me or don't know I exist. At least one person loves my very soul, the entirety of my person, all the good and bad of me. She's my wife. She knows me at my best and my worst. She still loves me. She knows the courageous and cowardly Roger. She loves me. She knew the 17-year-old first date me, and the 68-year-old me. She loves me.

Do yourself a favor and find one of these, a spouse who will give you support, not just tolerance. One who will suppress your out-of-control ego. One who will offer hospitality cheerfully.  Find a spouse who will help you maintain perspective. Marry someone who will be the lover of your soul. This is a matter of greatest import.

Character Traits for Effective Service in Sports Chaplaincy

There are a myriad of factors making for effectiveness in sports chaplaincy or character coaching. Among them are one's background, training, personality traits, spiritual giftedness, relationships, emotional intelligence, and more. I believe a short set of character traits are even more essential to effective service than any of the aforementioned qualities.

This list is not exhaustive, but I believe these six are most essential: Humility, Patience, Self-awareness, Perspective, Curiosity, and Persistence.

Humility is a quality quite uncommon among sportspeople. They are normally straddling the line between brazen arrogance and strong confidence. In such an environment one can join in the folly of seeking to be seen as first, or one can put himself in rank (the literal meaning of humility) and intentionally take the lower position. Though the supremely confident thumpers of their chests loudly project power and strength, they also respect the humble one who quietly serves.

Patience is a rather counterintuitive value in the sporting world. Most everything seems to be very urgent. When the sports chaplain is patient with people's failures, their inconsistencies, their human frailties, it is noticed and appreciated. Most everyone around them is harsh and demanding. When the character coach leads with patience, projects an attitude of, "I"m not in a hurry," the coaches and players appreciate it.

Self-awareness is the ability to know one's strengths and weaknesses, and to strongly embrace both. Sportspeople are fully aware of their strengths and focus on them almost exclusively. When they see someone equally owning his weaknesses as well as his strengths, they are not sure what to think at first, but soon demonstrate respect and trust for the self-aware sports chaplain. Such authenticity pierces hard hearts and awakens slumbering spirits.

Perspective is in short supply around sport's culture of winning at all costs. Coaches have less security than ever. Players in professional sport and now in many corners of collegiate sport measure their value, not just in wins and losses, but in dollars and cents. When a sports chaplain can help others see beyond the moment, the win or loss, the championship or relegation, the contract extension or the abrupt firing, he or she is sharing a rare character trait with those being served.

Curiosity may be the one quality in the list causing you to raise an eyebrow. About what should one be curious? Demonstrate curiosity about the people you serve. Curiously watch practices. Listen to how they communicate, observe their body language and gestures. Be curious about the sport itself. There is always something to be observed, to be learned, to be understood. Your curiosity will be interpreted as genuine interest and respect for their profession.

Persistence is of paramount importance because results are not usually quickly obtained. The urgency of sporting schedules, the frequency of training, practices, and competitions seem to squeeze the margins for time and attention for everyone involved. This can leave the sports chaplain or character coach feeling quite isolated, forgotten, or marginalized. Don't despair. Don't quit. Don't give up, ever. Persistence will keep the effective sports chaplain showing up at practice. It will prompt the character coach's heart to stay engaged, to ask good questions, to invite people to get coffee and a chat. 

Humility, Patience, Self-awareness, Perspective, Curiosity, and Persistence will serve the Character Coach very well. They will empower the Sports Chaplain for effectiveness and significance in his or her ministry.

Serving a Team in a Very Successful Season

The eleventh season of my service of a college football team was one I will never forget. It was the fourth season with that particular coaching staff, having been 1 and 10, 2 and 10, and 4 and 8 in the previous seasons. Suddenly in mid-November we were 10 and 0, nationally ranked, and surely headed to the NCAA Division I-AA playoffs for the first time in twenty-one years.

 

After an exciting, last second, loss on the road, I was in my seat on the bus waiting to go to the airport for the flight home. I sat there stunned, not knowing how to process all this. The head coach looked across the aisle at me and said, “Hey, are you okay?” I said, “Coach, I had forgotten what it feels like to lose.” Ten weeks of winning had erased my memory of years of painful loss. Success has the power to do that.

 

Winning teams feel like they’re invincible.

·      They tell themselves, “We win even when we don’t play well.”

·      They think “We must be really good.”

·      They marvel at themselves, “We win even when our best players are not at 100%!”

·      Momentum is a real and wonderful for these teams.

 

Winning teams are vulnerable to debilitating hubris.

·      They find themselves full of entitlement to privilege and position.

·      They take on elitist attitudes toward others, obviously lesser than they.

·      Their sudden elevation to celebrity serves them poorly.

·      Their locker room can easily become stratified, separating the stars from the role players.

·      They are perfectly positioned for a humiliating defeat. (The Football Salukis, nursing our wounds from the end of our winning streak, played the University of Delaware in the first round of the playoffs. We were crushed 48-7. Ouch.)

 

We, the Character Coaches, maintain perspective.

·      We love extravagantly. Our loyalty is valued, even when wildly successful. We seek out those not in the spotlight, the walk on player, the support staff, and others.

·      We serve selflessly. Our consistency in service is noticed when the prevailing culture becomes entitlement and privilege.

·      We encourage. In winning streaks, encouragement by asking good questions makes a difference. Ask about matters away from sport – family, class, relationships, teammates, and faith.

 

This season of success will not last forever, though we wish it would. Maintain perspective. Help them see over, through, and beyond the present swell of awesomeness. Success is secondary to who they are as men and women.

Growth and Development follow Failure and Frustration

While recently reflecting upon my life’s path across sixty-eight years, I realized most of my growth and development, personal and professional, came as a result of failure and frustration. A few examples follow.

 

After being laid off from my job as a laborer in a lumber yard at age twenty-four, I found a job in a home center and after four more years, a job with a wholesale building materials distributor, then another retailer, followed by two more sales jobs. Being laid off from a job with a hard ceiling led to new employment with room to grow.

 

After one year of absolute, total failure in selling garages, I was in position to take a paid role as an administrative assistant to my mentor in ministry (Fred Bishop of No Greater Love Ministries). It took all of that year of horrible failure and financial stress to have my wife and me ready to take a very modest salary. My ambitious nature was energized by the commission sales job, but it’s a stressful existence for the whole family when sales are not good.

 

After four years of accelerated growth and development in ministry, the ministry’s funds were diminishing to a level that would soon lead to my departure. At the same time, an opportunity to serve with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes (FCA) was emerging. At thirty-eight years of age, I was finally prepared to enter the calling I had perceived when I was just sixteen. This new opportunity launched me into twenty-seven years of service with FCA, including many challenges, significant growth, and development in a myriad of ways.

 

In 2021, having discovered the centrality of sports chaplaincy to my passion for ministry in sport, my wide list of responsibilities with FCA became a source of frustration. The form of ministry to which I was most committed and in which I experienced the greatest fruit was on the edges of my ministry, it was not central. Having lived in this tension for several years, I was most intrigued when leaders from Nations of Coaches contacted me regarding their Character Coach Director role. I was interested, then attentive, then engaged, and ultimately hired just days before my sixty-fifth birthday.

 

Now, three years into this new role, I am experiencing more fulfillment, joy, and satisfaction than ever. I cannot see the end of this path, but I am quite sure the next bends in the road will be preceded by either failure of frustration, and possibly both. I am equally confident an even better season of growth and development will follow, and will be entirely worth every moment of the process.

 

In summary: failure and frustration are never pleasant; neither are they permanent. One must allow the Lord room to move in the pain and doubt to confirm his calling, and to direct your steps forward into continuing growth and development.

 

Serving a Team Through a Losing Season

Across my thirty years of serving collegiate sports teams, I have endured two 1 win & 10 loss seasons, one 2 win & 10 loss seasons, many sub .500 seasons, and some painfully long losing streaks. In addition, seven of the coaches I served were fired at season’s end. As Jesus was a “man of sorrows and acquainted with grief”, I am certainly acquainted with the pain of losing seasons.

 

For anyone in the sporting environment, enduring a losing streak of a few games is painful. Imagine an entire season of more than thirty games with the gnawing, gut-wrenching ache of consistently coming up short on the scoreboard. It’s awful.

 

The local or national media pile on, question and criticize. Worse, social media is even more sudden and brutal in its assassination of everyone and everything related to the team. They have no clue as to how the trend can be reversed, but they offer their ridiculous solutions anyway. Usually it sounds like, “Fire the coach!”

 

We can even begin to doubt ourselves and our value to the team. Coaches begin to brush up their resumes, anticipating the worst. Players consider transferring from the program, imagining greener pastures elsewhere. Some coaches and players contemplate leaving the game entirely. The once gleaming fortune of competing in collegiate sport has lost its luster. Despair chokes the life from these once courageous hearts.

 

I’m their character coach, what am I supposed to do in this swirling vortex of loss and despair? I will do these simple and basic things:

·      I will maintain perspective. I will endeavor to see through, above, and beyond all these strong and confusing emotions.

·      I will love extravagantly – my loyalty is valued.

·      I will serve selflessly – my consistency builds trust.

·      I will encourage constantly – my voice makes a difference. I will offer no criticism, nor suggestions related to strategy or tactics. I will encourage effort and attitude with my voice, on paper, via text messages, in gesture, in body language, in every way I can imagine – I will encourage.

 

This season of losing will not last forever, I promise. Changes in personnel are likely to occur. It will be painful and grievous, but things will improve. In the meantime; maintain perspective, love, serve, and encourage.

Perspective Amidst Sporting Chaos

Recent changes in collegiate sport enhance the value of character coaches and sports chaplains to their coaches and athletes. With the advent of the transfer portal and the introduction of Name, Image, and Likeness payments to players, much of the sporting landscape has dramatically shifted in the past few years.

 

Below are some of the factors leading to this season of chaos.

·      College athletes are now virtually free to transfer between institutions at will, as many times as they like, without restriction. This has led to some players being on four or more teams in a span of five seasons.

·      Coaches could always move between institutions at will, so everyone advocating for the athletes is happier with this change.

·      Name, Image, and Likeness money being paid to players has made collegiate sport, formerly embracing an amateur ethic, is now at the highest levels in fact professional sport.

·      Professionalism in sport brings a totally different approach, and veterans to the process who were raised in the amateur ethic, are enduring a harsh adjustment period.

o   Collegiate sport has always been populated by both transactional (100% results oriented) and transformational (process and people oriented) coaches.

o   The injection of professionalism is making the players more transactional than even the most bottom-line oriented coaches I have known.

o   Many players being recruited now have this as their first question for a coach, “How much are you going to give me?” The process is transactional from the start.

 

Here are a few of the characteristics that make character coaches and sports chaplains of greater value than ever.

·      We provide perspective in a volatile environment. Christian men and women serving sports teams have the unique ability to see through, above, and beyond the thick cloud of money, celebrity, noise, ambition, sycophantic fans, and hangers on. Biblical examples like Moses, Jesus, and the apostles provide us models to follow and principles to embody.

·      We don’t want anything from them, but God’s best intentions for each one. We don’t want to be their agent, to sell them anything, to get their endorsement, or to even shoot a selfie. They find this remarkably refreshing. It builds trust and relationship.

·      We love those on the move. Whether they be players transferring out, coaches climbing the sporting ladder, or coaches being fired, we love them. We welcome the newly arriving players and coaches to our institution, to our community, and to our family. We sail with coaches adrift in a career typhoon, searching for direction and purpose.

·      We love those who stay. We certainly prefer the longer, developmental, and relational approach to our relationships with people in sport. Given more time, our relationships deepen and grow stronger. We help build legacies with the coaches and long-term players. We help build families. As we are afforded relationships across multiple years, we find ourselves at graduation ceremonies, weddings, baby showers, and other joyous events. We occasionally also bear the more grievous burden of walking with coaches and athletes through injury, illness, loss, and death. In short, we love extravagantly.

 

Collegiate Sport has undergone a number of changes in recent years and I seriously doubt it will ever return to its former nature. In fact, I would imagine there are more, possibly even more drastic changes just on the horizon.

 

All these changes, all the chaos, all the transactional attitudes, and even the crass focus on finances only serves to build the value of character coaches and sports chaplains. When we serve wisely and well, we are immensely valuable to the coaches and competitors. When we love extravagantly and serve selflessly, when we honor Christ by emulating Him, we are these people’s greatest allies and most trusted friends.