More Reflections from the Front Lines of a Cancer Battle - Week Four as a Widower.

Week Four as a Widower.

Formerly, I had to work hard, schedule well, and plan wisely to achieve some solitude. Now, retired and widowed, solitude surrounds me, all day and all night.

I, the incurable and unapologetic extrovert, find myself alone…. a lot. In crowds, alone. At church, alone. Waking up in my bed, absolutely alone.

I am not as emotional about my loss as I was a few weeks ago. I am more emotionally numb than anything at this point. I have enough tasks to keep me busy presently, but I know after the sale of the house is closed, the banking is completed, and I return from the Congress in Texas, a lot of open space and unoccupied time awaits me. That is worrisome.

I have a number of people with whom I correspond daily. I send one set of folks battling disease scripture and prayer. Another few receive a daily prompt for devotional reading. Dozens of sports chaplains across Latin America receive a link to each day’s post of my devotional book in Spanish, which they in turn share with many others. These daily connections help me stay in the scripture, and sharing with others, even as my flesh would rather withdraw completely.

Years ago, Sharon and I joked that if she was to precede me in death, I would either die an old widower or be remarried in six months. She said, “You’d be remarried right away; you’d be helpless alone.” She may be right about the helpless part.