I Hate Losing!

There is nothing to rival the emotional pain, grief and deep feelings of inadequacy which come with losing. If you’re a competitor, you know these feelings and you do all you can to avoid them.

I remember crying on the way to the family car after losing little league baseball games and going 0 for 4 at the plate. I remember feeling, “I’m just not good enough,” as I would lie on my bed replaying each pitch from a fast pitch softball game. I remember the knot in my stomach while receiving a second place wrestling trophy and comparing it with the first place winner’s trophy. I remember, just weeks ago, the painful realization that we were just a couple of plays away from the NCAA Division I Football Subdivision Playoffs National Championship Game, but came up short.

Many of us are driven by these feelings and they help us perform more highly. More than the exhilaration of winning, we work incessantly to keep the gnawing pains of loss at bay. Many more simply quit competing because they can’t handle the grief of losing. Rather than endure the occasional pain, these avoid it by not competing at all. Sadly, they forfeit all the benefits of competition in the process.

So how do we deal with these feelings? I remember thinking prior to one college football season that I, as their chaplain, would not get so emotionally involved and not suffer the grief which came with our frequent losses. I could not do it. When I spent time with the coaches and players, I was connected with their hearts and found myself caring deeply about the team’s success and their individual development. I determined that the risk was worth it. I would risk the pain of loss to enjoy the thrill of winning, no matter how rare.

The choice is yours. You may withdraw and thus avoid the feelings that accompany losing, but you’ll also forfeit the joy of winning. You may stay in the game and disengage emotionally, but in doing so you’ll be terribly incomplete. You can also take the risk to care deeply about your team and each one involved. You can share both the wins and the losses. You can feel the grief of the last second loss and the satisfaction of winning championships. Such feelings are the stuff of life. Feel them at the depth of your soul and experience the best part of sport.